they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
