Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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