We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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