Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Quick, to the slutcave!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
