Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
