I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
