kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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