U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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