Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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