I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
