My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
smell my finger.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
