I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
