I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
