i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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