My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
