Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
