..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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