There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
