You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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