make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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