new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize