At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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