If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
