um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
