I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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