I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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