I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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