just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
