i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
