I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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