Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
