i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
