community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
