I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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