i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
