Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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