She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
