I cannot find my penis.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
