My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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