just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
