I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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