if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize