She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
