One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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