I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will pee on everything he values.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
last night I used snow as a chaser
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
