Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
