i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think people are normalizing furries
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