The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
