my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
