Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
