I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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