I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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