i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
