The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
