are you still at the devil's house?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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