I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
