i barfeds in our rink
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
