i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
