You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
