I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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