Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
