Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
