I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
