I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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