Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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