a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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