Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
