please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
accomplished twins. life is a go
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
