I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
