I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
