I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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