my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
