We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
